So I Sat Down to Watch… a buncha stuff (Ghostbusters: Afterlife, Spider-Man: No Way Home, The Matrix Resurrections -2021)
I haven’t blogged in so long, goddamn. And I’ve watched a bunch of stuff lately but none made me particularly wanna write about them in length (not even Hawkeye which was really good but not great) so maybe writing a few things about each one of these movies would be best.
Just for context, I was a huge Ghostbusters fan as a kid, the first movie actually kind of scared me and filled me with awe in certain scenes, and I think the Real Ghostbusters cartoon is responsible for my fondness of redheads, but let’s not go there yet. I saw the original Ghostbusters film last June and it uh… it doesn’t really hold up. It’s still funny, it’s not scary anymore, but some of its humor hasn’t aged well at all.
Like, why even is there a scene of a sexy ghost lady giving Dan Akroyd a BJ? I didn’t like that scene as a kid, and I like it even less as an adult. Oh, and the 2016 Ghostbusters film isn’t as bad as people say, but it’s not a movie I ever want to watch again, either.
I also like the Tom Holland Spider-Man movies. Let’s not forget that this is a franchise that was introduced three times (or rebooted twice, if you will) within fifteen years. They had to take liberties with the plot, some things had to go, and some characters had to change. It’s the same as when they introduced Ultimate Spider-Man, some things were different, because doing the same thing over and over again gets boring. Oh, and the Vulture is the best villain in a Spider-Man film as far as motives and personality go, fight me.
As for the Matrix franchise, guys, it was never that good anyway. I watched a lot of E! back in the day (something I’m not terribly proud of) and I remember the unexpected success that the original movie was, how nobody saw it coming. It wasn’t supposed to be a cultural phenomenon, that’s why it was released on February after all! The fact that it became such a beloved movie is owed to the fact that the Watchowskis stole from a number of great sources.
That’s right, I went there. Tarantino steals too, get over it.
But the moment they tried to expand on that first movie, tried to make a media empire out of it, that’s where their limitations as world-builders and screenwriters became apparent. They tried to tackle the kind of philosophies that they didn’t have a good understanding of, and it showed in its luckluster sequels. They also hid parts of the plot of Reloaded in comic books and games and Revolutions didn’t have a proper ending because it had to pave the way for The Matrix Online, because they wanted to create an empire, dummies. Pfft.
The world didn’t need another Matrix movie, yet here we are.
So, starting off with Ghostbusters: Afterlife.
I had fun watching this one, but honestly it’s kind of on the forgettable side. It’s been a little over two weeks since I watched this one at a mostly empty cinema (the best kind of cinema) and I am kind of struggling to remember what the best parts were.
The biggest issue I had with this movie is the same one I’ve had with all reboots since The Force Awakens. They don’t try to be their own thing, stemming off the old movies and creating something new and exciting; they try to be the old movies, today.
Of course, the reasons behind these decisions are perfectly understandable. It’s easy if you make something and market it with something subtle such as “HEY, YOU, OLD PERSON! REMEMBER THAT THING YOU LIKED 30 YEARS AGO? HERE IT IS AGAIN TODAY!”
Because otherwise there’ s a good chance sequels like this wouldn’t get made today, the same way they weren’t being made all these 10, 20, 35 years.
Spoilers for the plot ahead!
But it’s difficult for me to get excited for the plot when it’s about the demon dogs (Zuul and whatsitsface) and Gozer, again.
The Ghostbusters beat Gozer, dude. It’s over. Find another threat, ghosts can be an endless source of world-ending threats.
Ivan Reitman having died 7 years before this movie didn’t make things any easier, with the movie starting off with his character’s Egon Spengler death because of a very convoluted plan concocted by none other than… himself, in one of the stupidest sacrifices in recent memory.
This plan is outdone by Spengler’s other masterplan which used the original Ghostbusters’ equipment to keep Gozer’s lackies at bay, without telling the rest of his team. Because you know… the plot has needs, too. But you never think about its needs, do you? All you think about is plot holes, like the selfish people that you are.
There’s a lot of things to like about Ghostbusters: Afterlife. The humor is great, seeing ECTO-1 and its iconic siren felt like a gift to 8 year old George, Paul Rudd is always great and Spengler’s granddaughter Phoebe really steals the show, and I would be lying if I didn’t say that seeing the remaining Ghostbusters suit up and fry Gozer again didn’t send a chill down my spine.
But it could have been so much more. The world is very different now than it was in the 80s, people view spirituality and science differently, this movie could have tried to do something with that but it never tries anything new, just treads the same old waters of nostalgia for nostalgia’s sake. Oh and there’s a character called Podcast. That’s your social commentary right there, folks.
On to Spider-Man: No Way Home, yet another one of those Marvel movies!
Just to get it out of the way quickly, I was a huge Marvel fan growing up but I cannot take it anymore. They’re churning out so much content these days that your days have to be filled with Marvel stuff 24/7 if you want to keep up.
Fuck. That.
Fuck Shang Chi, fuck Wanda and her robot, fuck the Winter Soldier and his avian pal, fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck Loki, fuck What If? Fuck that.
I’m only going to watch Marvel content that I actually liked. Like Hawkeye. And Spider-Man.
So this movie. It feels like people consider this to be the best Spider-Man movie ever, probably the movie of the year given the hype going around.
And I kind of get it, it’s like the good kind of fan service (what a weird phrase this is, fan service). They know what the people want to see, and they deliver it in spades.
Spoilers again!
You get the Sinister uh, Five (doesn’t have quite the same ring to it, I guess they couldn’t clear the Venom rights quickly enough) all trying to kill Spider-Man after his identity was made public by J.J Alex Jones (complete with shitty supplements and all.)
And when all seems lost and after three movies you finally realize that Aunt May is actually Uncle Ben, what do you get? All the other movie Spider-Men coming to help.
The chemistry between Spideys was great, I find, and it does make sense why the MCU Spidey would be the leader of the bunch, not to mention that this leads to a great scene where Garfield’s Spidey saves Holland’s MJ, a genuinely emotional scene.
All in all it’s a solid film, the humor is great, the chemistry between everyone is fantastic, and you can tell they had fun being in this movie -aside maybe from the guy that played the Sandman, he was kind of a downer; also why does Sandman help Spider-Man at first only to attack him later? What was that about.
But as with most Marvel movies, it doesn’t have anything else that’s substantial. The plot is full of holes, and the movie would be over in 10 minutes of Peter wasn’t such a friggin’ idiot most of the time. There isn’t a real antagonist, there isn’t a great conflict, there is no great lesson to be learned. Just stuff happening. Cool stuff with cool characters, sure, but no more than that.
End of spoilers.
I will say this, however. At the end of the movie, the MCU Spidey is finally ready to be his own person, he has to mature and find out what his place in the world really is. And I loved that. It really did feel like what life becomes when you turn 18, and you have to leave the comfort of your home, when you’re trying to carve your niche in the world without really knowing what the fuck you’re doing.
The movie does this really well, and given that it’s a movie mostly aimed at teenagers and young adults, now that I think about it, maybe I’m not giving it enough credit on the “substantial” side of things.
The Matrix: Resurrections… blah, I really don’t wanna say too many things about this movie.
When I first heard that they were making a new Matrix movie, my immediate thought was “Why?” All the Matrix sequels sucked and that was 20 years ago. There’s no reason for another one. I’m sure I wasn’t the only one who felt that way.
After watching the movie, I still feel the exact same way, and I know I’m not the only one.
SPOILERS!
It’s hard to say exactly what the worst thing about MR21 (that’s what I’m calling it since I hate typing ressurec… resurec… fuck me) exactly is. Not only because the movie has so many flaws, but also because it’s hard to pinpoint which one is that makes the movies suck. Because suck is what it does.
Gun to my head, I would say it’s the editing. It’s all over the place, things just happen and characters come and go with no rhyme nor reason, and it’s not clear why anything happens. What is Agent Smith’s motivation? Why is he even in this movie aside of being a literal Deus Ex Machina? Why does making people angry make them create more electricity? Why haven’t the machines found a better way to generate electricity (seriously, humans batteries sounded cool at first but makes no sense). Why are the last 30 minutes a zombie flick? Why is there so much shooting? Jesus.
Why is something cool like the machine civil war only mentioned for a few seconds and we don’t see its impact on the world? Why are there so many goddamn flashbacks like I’m watching a crappy shounen anime?
Come to think of it, why don’t we see the impact of these last 60 years on the world of the Matrix and both its flesh-based and machine inhabitants? Why is such an important part of world-building relegated to a few mentions here and there? Why didn’t they film some scenes showing us that instead of all these friggin’ flashbacks. I really did hate them.
And then you have the final 10 minutes of the movie, which honestly feel completely out of place. It’s like they had the script for a sequel ready but decided to Frankenstein the sequel’s ending in this movie instead. Why does Barney get his ass kicked so thoroughly and comically after being the big bad for so long, what transpired in the in-between?
Still, since most people like to complain about this movie, I’ll say that I did like a few things about it. The endless chase for Trinity made me groan, but hey that’s always been the Matrix for you, so I liked it at the end when her role changed drastically. The beginning of the movie was actually interesting and felt like it would lead somewhere, and also you could feel the frustration in the Watchowskis over being practically forced to make this movie. And I actually liked how you couldn’t always tell if a scene was in the Matrix or the real world, it kind of made sense since we followed Neo’s perspective and he didn’t really know either.
But overall, this movie is a hot mess. The kind of hot mess that comes out of a garbage can in the middle of the summer and drips all over your arm when you try to open its lid. You know it’s not gonna last, you’ll just go home and rinse it off, but for a few moments there you freeze and pray to whatever god you believe in that no one will ever make a Matrix sequel ever again.